Friday, March 5, 2010

For My Face Book Farmville Addict Friends...

The following is for entertainment purposes only with no intended malice toward any group or individual … *

News from the “Committee for Responsible Use of Face Book”…

Four hundred thirty six thousand three hundred forty two virtual RSVP’s were received from iphones, blackberry’s, Mac Book Pros and library desk tops to the first meeting of “Farmville Addicts Anonymous” held through Face Book via both dial up and wireless high speed internet connection.

Barring the number of reservations, the actual attendance was significantly lower, understandably, in light of what some call, “The Complex Nature of Addiction”. Many were simply… not ready to stop farming.

During the meeting **, profile information statistics and birth dates were 128 bit encrypted scrambling data to protect the anonymity of the participants. Uploaded photo albums were replaced by a Joint Photographic Experts Group image of the addicts prayer – “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

A read only PDF version of “The Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous” was available for reference with “Farmville and other Face Book Games” replacing the word “alcohol” where it appeared in each step.

The study portion of the meeting began with a reading from the “Big Book” page 328 entitled, “Crossing the River of Denial” Since few possessed an actual copy of the book, an immediate down loadable audio mp3 version was available by clicking on the “flowing river” hyperlink across the top of the homepage.

After the group study, a chat room was made available for the sharing portion of the meeting inviting all those willing, not to offer advice, but to humbly share their stories of recovery.

The first to virtually stand before the crowd admitted soiling his clothes numerous times rather than use a restroom because he was engaged in putting up a fence line on his property. Several others did not deny purchasing mini-laptops for use on the pot. A disheveled and obviously distraught woman sobbed recounting the recent loss of her precious escaped rooster from a half constructed chicken coop. Another interrupted the sharing fourteen separate times desperately repeating the plea, “I just need a one more horseshoe, I’m running out of time… “

Many divulged they deleted Farmville entries appearing on their recent status activity to conceal the actual time spent in hazy enjoyment. One confession that Farmville use led to experimentation of other similar intoxicants like Zoo World and YoVille, provoked the virtual nodding of agreement from many in the group. Unfortunately for some, when Farmville became less and less effective and produced less and less euphoria many turned to Super Farkle, Happy Island and Fish World for an additional fix only to discover themselves forever chasing the high.

The meeting rules accessed by clicking on a circular red and blue hyperlink button at the top of the homepage stated -- Recovery Meeting Rule # 1 -- “If you have used within 24 hours kindly refrain from attending this gathering.” Compliance to the rule was thought to be mostly present until it was discovered that several hundred thousand attending were engaging in relapse behavior by privately text messaging requests for horseshoes bricks and nails encouraging the trades by offering virtual gifts both large and small.

The meeting adjourned with a parting suggestion “To take what was wanted and leave the rest” and with this message from page 58 of the “Big Book” –

Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.

There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average.

If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it – then you are ready to take certain steps. At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier softer way.

We beg of you to be fearless from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

And then it ended… with a virtual unison hand holding circle… repeating the words, “Keep coming back, it works if you work it.”

* - poking fun is different than making fun
** - no actual meeting occurred... You didn't seriously think it did... did you???

1 comment:

emmakt said...

This was thoroughly enjoyable. Thank you.